mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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