I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
