I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
