She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
