Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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