Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
