The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
