he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
