She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
