Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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