i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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