so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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