There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
