I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
