This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
