I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
