I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
