Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
