he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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