so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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