Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
