if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My pussy is not your playground.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
