She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
