No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
