after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
