Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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