Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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