You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
