Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
