he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
