I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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