i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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