Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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