This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
