So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
