I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You need a sexual gate keeper
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
