Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
