420 ftw
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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