My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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