Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
