this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let's get the cat blown out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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