Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
