id be glad to
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
