Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
