I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
