The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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