If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
