if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
