well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
