I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
