Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
