Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
