I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just found puke in my bra..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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