Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
