I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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