And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
