Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
