when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
