Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
