i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
