WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
