these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
