hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
