His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
