you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
