We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
