i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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