I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
