It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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