i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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