my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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