OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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