thus making me awesome and them whores
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
