i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
only if we run a train.
done.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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