Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
