its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Houston, we have a blender
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
