As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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