You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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