i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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