You're so nebulous sometimes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
