i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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