Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
