She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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