What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
