Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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